Now that the media storm surrounding the Coldplay KissCam Scandal has passed, it is a good time to look at what happened from the perspective of lessons for leaders and organizations.\u00a0 To do that, it\u2019s important to acknowledge that, in spite of all the memes and jokes that this incident provoked, this is a tragic event for at least two families, and to a lesser extent, one company.\u00a0 It’s also necessary to confront a second uncomfortable reality: it could happen to just about any leader, and any company.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s right.\u00a0 It\u2019s tempting to believe that this was just a matter of two executives who simply lacked spousal fidelity and self-control and therefore, will get what they deserve.\u00a0 But that attitude is dangerous because it leaves people susceptible to making the same mistake, one that has been happening within companies for years, and sadly, will continue to happen without proper caution and wisdom.<\/p>\n
For what it\u2019s worth, I\u2019ve witnessed a number of leaders make this mistake during my career as a consultant to CEOs.\u00a0 And though I will gratefully acknowledge that I have been faithful to my wife of 33 years, I will admit that I understand how well-intentioned leaders can, little by little, put themselves in a position to risk the destruction of their families, and their businesses.\u00a0 And it starts when they believe one particular lie.<\/p>\n
That lie centers around the importance and \u201cspecialness\u201d of being a leader.\u00a0 I know it sounds like a clich\u00e9, but the reality is that people laugh harder at a CEO\u2019s jokes, speak to him (or her) with greater respect and admiration, and lavish him with more praise than he deserves.\u00a0 Clich\u00e9 or not, it\u2019s a reality that can corrupt the humblest of leaders who don\u2019t get the same treatment from their spouses or children, and actually come to resent them.<\/p>\n
Consider that CEOs leave work after nine or ten hours of difficult, even dramatic conversations and decision-making, having experienced mutual recognition and admiration from their colleagues.\u00a0 When they arrive home, they are confronted by a spouse who isn\u2019t trying to impress them, and kids who don\u2019t usually run into their arms and thank them for the sacrifices they make for the family.\u00a0 More often, the spouse greets them with a perfunctory kiss (or none) and a request for help with plumbing, errands or chores.\u00a0 The kids need a ride to practice or help with algebra or acne.\u00a0 It\u2019s a grind \u2013 albeit a blessed one when seen in the proper context \u2013 and it often leaves the leader feeling like being at work is more fun and rewarding than being at home.\u00a0 And so it begins.<\/p>\n
More time at work.\u00a0 More fun with colleagues.\u00a0 More attraction to female colleagues who dress up for them, laugh at their jokes, and actually tell them, regularly, how wonderful they are.\u00a0 Of course, it\u2019s largely fiction, or perhaps exaggeration.\u00a0 But it feels good, and it stands in starker and starker contrast to life at home.\u00a0 If there is no understanding of the artificial nature of these good feelings, and if there is not a strong moral and religious barrier preventing consideration of moving into intimacy, boundaries are crossed and Coldplay concerts happen.\u00a0 And families are devastated.\u00a0 And companies are damaged.<\/p>\n
What\u2019s the solution?\u00a0 Should male and female colleagues avoid spending time together alone?\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if that\u2019s necessary, but if it\u2019s the only way to prevent this, it\u2019s better than what was revealed at that concert.\u00a0\u00a0 Do companies need stronger policies prohibiting inappropriate fraternizing among leaders?\u00a0 That seems pretty legalistic to me.\u00a0 Better than these, I would recommend the following.<\/p>\n
First, CEOs need to declare, for themselves and all the people they lead, that their marriages and families are more important than their businesses.\u00a0 They should say it out loud, frequently, and ask everyone to confront one another if they believe they might be losing sight of that.<\/p>\n
Second, they need to remind themselves that the admiration that they get from work is not necessarily love, but flattery, and that the applause they receive at work is no substitute for the love that can only be found at home.\u00a0 That\u2019s not to say that love among colleagues and team members isn\u2019t important or real, just that it should never replace the intimacy that is reserved for families.<\/p>\n
Some might argue that these solutions might hurt the company by discouraging people from prioritizing work.\u00a0 I get that.\u00a0 But in the end, it needs to be recognized that leaders who are faithful at home are more grounded, trustworthy and effective in the workplace.\u00a0 Strong families and strong organizations go together.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The workplace admiration that corrupts leaders starts with a simple lie about their own importance\u2014and ends with devastated families and damaged companies.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3812,"featured_media":373274,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_oasis_is_in_workflow":0,"_oasis_original":0,"_relevanssi_hide_post":"","_relevanssi_hide_content":"","_relevanssi_pin_for_all":"","_relevanssi_pin_keywords":"","_relevanssi_unpin_keywords":"","_relevanssi_related_keywords":"","_relevanssi_related_include_ids":"","_relevanssi_related_exclude_ids":"","_relevanssi_related_no_append":"","_relevanssi_related_not_related":"","_relevanssi_related_posts":"","_relevanssi_noindex_reason":"","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[871],"tags":[57692],"class_list":["post-373273","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-leadershipmanagement","tag-featured"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n