{"id":373444,"date":"2025-08-19T11:24:40","date_gmt":"2025-08-19T15:24:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chiefexecutive.net\/?p=373444"},"modified":"2025-08-19T11:24:42","modified_gmt":"2025-08-19T15:24:42","slug":"i-advocate-for-women-but-ive-been-hardest-on-them","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chiefexecutive.net\/i-advocate-for-women-but-ive-been-hardest-on-them\/","title":{"rendered":"I Advocate For Women. But I\u2019ve Been Hardest On Them."},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>I never thought I was hard on women.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019ve built my career advocating for them. I\u2019ve sat in rooms where I was the only woman and know how lonely and scrutinized that seat can be. I\u2019ve seen what it takes for a woman to rise, and how quickly she can fall. I never wanted to be anything less than a champion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Recently, my daughter said something that took me off guard: \u201cYou\u2019re really hard on women, Mom.\u201d Her voice lingered on really.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She pointed out a pattern. The way I talk about women in the public eye. The way I\u2019m quicker to call them out than their male counterparts. Worse, I believe <em>him<\/em>, and blame <em>her<\/em>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The thing is, I knew my daughter was right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I hold women to higher standards across the board. I expect more. I forgive less. I judge faster. And I\u2019m not the exception.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">How Bias Shows Up\u00a0<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/hbr.org\/2017\/04\/how-gender-bias-corrupts-performance-reviews-and-what-to-do-about-it\">A <em>Harvard Business Review<\/em> study<\/a> found that women are 1.4 times more likely than men to receive critical, subjective feedback with comments focused on demeanor and style rather than measurable outcomes. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pnas.org\/doi\/10.1073\/pnas.1314788111\">Another study found<\/a> that men receive significantly higher \u201cpotential\u201d ratings than women\u2014about 14 percent higher\u2014despite having similar or lower performance scores.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Men aren\u2019t the only ones upholding these&nbsp;dynamics. <a href=\"https:\/\/hrzone.com\/blog\/how-to-take-the-sting-out-of-the-queen-bee\/\">Studies have documented the \u201cQueen Bee\u201d effect<\/a>\u2014when women at all levels distance themselves from or undermine other women to maintain status or get ahead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019ve spent over two decades in communications and change management, helping executive teams navigate complex transitions. Again and again, I\u2019ve seen women face immediate scrutiny, not just for their decisions, but for their tone, appearance and likability. Some of the sharpest criticism came from other women.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This isn\u2019t just bias. It\u2019s conditioning.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Conditioned to Critique<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.forbes.com\/councils\/forbescoachescouncil\/2020\/01\/21\/why-women-dont-always-support-other-women\/\">Many of us were taught<\/a>, subtly or overtly, that there\u2019s only room for one woman at the top. We internalized the idea that we must compete with, rather than support, each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For the past seven years, I\u2019ve worked with incarcerated women. Their stories echo something I\u2019ve seen in business: When women break the rules, they\u2019re punished more harshly (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.library.hbs.edu\/working-knowledge\/women-receive-harsher-punishment-at-work-than-men\">a pattern also seen in the workplace<\/a>). One colleague told me the judge at her sentencing said: \u201cYou should\u2019ve known better. You\u2019re a mother.\u201d That reaction wasn\u2019t an outlier; it\u2019s part of a broader trend.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/feminist.org\/news\/federal-reports-show-women-receiving-harsher-prison-punishments-than-men\">A 2020 U.S. Commission on Civil Rights report<\/a> found that women in prison often receive stricter punishments than men for similar infractions, especially when their behavior defies traditional expectations of femininity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We also see this dynamic in <a href=\"https:\/\/niemanstoryboard.org\/2023\/07\/19\/investigate-narrative-failure-to-protect-laws-court-reporting-sex-and-race-discrimination\/\">the rise of \u201cFailure to Protect\u201d laws<\/a>. Intended to hold caregivers accountable in cases of child abuse, these laws are used disproportionately against mothers, even when they are not the abusers. In many cases, women receive harsher sentences than the men who committed the abuse because they failed to meet an unforgiving standard of maternal responsibility.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This kind of judgment isn\u2019t limited to the justice system. It\u2019s cultural. And it starts early.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I grew up in a world where, if a man cheated, we blamed the other woman. If a child got hurt, we asked, \u201cWhere was the mother?\u201d If a woman came forward with abuse years later, we questioned her motives. But if a man did the same\u2014as many did in the Catholic Church scandal\u2014we believed him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">A Shift in Mindset<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>I never consciously believed women should be held to a higher standard, but somewhere along the way, I absorbed that mindset anyway. Now, I see it for what it is: a tool not to empower women but to police them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Since that conversation with my daughter, the instinct hasn\u2019t disappeared. But there\u2019s now a pause. A moment where I ask: Am I seeing her clearly? Or am I holding her to a standard I\u2019d never apply to a man?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019m not saying we should lower the bar for women. I\u2019m saying we\u2019ve quietly raised it so high that it\u2019s become another obstacle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">What Needs to Change<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>We talk a lot about the external barriers women face\u2014pay gaps, underrepresentation, outdated policies. But rarely do we talk about the internal ones: the judgment we pass without noticing, the expectations we\u2019ve inherited and never questioned and the quiet ways we hold each other back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If we want equity, we have to start with ourselves: how we judge, who we forgive and the grace we extend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Because someday, it won\u2019t be some woman \u201cout there\u201d facing criticism.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It will be you. Or a woman you love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And what you\u2019ll want in that moment isn\u2019t critique\u2014it\u2019s compassion.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This veteran C-Suite exec realized she was holding women to impossible standards. Now, she\u2019s reckoning with that bias and urging others to do the same.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":20003,"featured_media":373445,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_oasis_is_in_workflow":0,"_oasis_original":0,"_relevanssi_hide_post":"","_relevanssi_hide_content":"","_relevanssi_pin_for_all":"","_relevanssi_pin_keywords":"","_relevanssi_unpin_keywords":"","_relevanssi_related_keywords":"","_relevanssi_related_include_ids":"","_relevanssi_related_exclude_ids":"","_relevanssi_related_no_append":"","_relevanssi_related_not_related":"","_relevanssi_related_posts":"","_relevanssi_noindex_reason":"","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[871],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-373444","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-leadershipmanagement"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>I Advocate For Women. 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