Fear and your inner critic can be strategic assets if we allow ourselves to get curious and learn a new perspective that aligns us to the gifts they have for us. These gifts can support us in making intentional choices (rather than reacting unintentionally).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In order to leverage these gifts, first we need a baseline understanding of what fear is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Fear gets a bad rap these days. In truth, it\u2019s a wonderful evolutionary gift that\u2019s greatly misunderstood. Fear is meant to protect us. Can you think of anything better at doing its job? This is the perfect response if we find ourselves in a situation where a rational fear is present. If a shark is chasing you, it\u2019s the fear that motivates you to swim faster or fight back and punch the shark hard on the nose. This is fear at its most useful, its most rational.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But another type of fear is irrational fear. For example, as a CEO or senior leader, you might be worried about how to find product market fit, running out of money or even how you\u2019re going to pay your team\u2019s salaries. And as such, you\u2019re thinking about how you\u2019re going to fail, lose out or be rejected. You might keep this bottled up and disengage from others, including your team. Or, you might constantly engage them in helping you figure out what to do and start driving them away. In this context, fear can drive you to make things worse for yourself. The trick is to know the difference between rational and irrational fear, and that takes work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Our brain doesn\u2019t respond to irrational fear any differently than it responds to rational fears. We have to teach it otherwise. Rational fear lives in the present moment and helps us identify a threat to our survival. Irrational fear lives in the future. It\u2019s the \u201cwhat-if\u201d scenarios that keep us up at night. Further, rational fear drives us to connect with others. If your life was in danger, you would ask a stranger\u2014 even an adversary\u2014for help. Irrational fear often causes us to isolate, withdraw and disconnect from others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Our fear launches us into protective mode when it senses danger. For irrational fears, danger can be the unknown. What\u2019s incredible, however, is how that very fear is actually giving us information about where we want to go and what we want to look at.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some common reactions to this danger can be identified as the fight, flight, freeze and fawn reactions. When activated, the stress response can make you react in these ways:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. You fight the threat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
2. You flee from the situation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
3. You freeze and stay in place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
4. You please and appease.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Once we understand the difference between rational and irrational fear, we can begin to turn towards it to understand more about why our critic might be coming around. Our relationship with our critic can be complex at first.\u00a0 The critic is not a terrible thing. The critic is not a solely negative entity. It\u2019s trying to make us aware of something. It might even have relevant information for us\u2014just not when it\u2019s playing on loop ad nauseam.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What we want to do is mine the information it has; maybe it\u2019s telling us to be more detailed or to check in on a team member. It can have a lot of information, but if \u201cwhat if we fail\u201d is what I\u2019m repeating on a loop, that\u2019s not really leveraging the important nugget of the critical thought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s incredible that we are able to observe our own thoughts. The role of self-awareness is paramount in growth and self-development and the observer gives us awareness of our current behavior so we can decide how we might want to meet those moments differently, with more intentionality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A fast way to become the observer is to get curious about the critical voice in our heads\u2014an all-too-common voice for many of us. By bringing our awareness to how often our self-critic comes around, we can become aware of its presence\u2014a needed element for future shifts. You might even consider naming it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For example, I named my critic Gretchen. By naming her Gretchen, I gave myself the ability to observe her\u2014to see when she came around, what settings I was in, who I was with, what I was engaging with or what I was not engaging with. She was using a silent and deafening megaphone in my ear through self-doubt. From the role of the observer, I could begin to notice and engage with my thoughts rather than be victim to them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The important part of observing the critic is to create space so that you can choose how to engage it. Our critic is an important part of us, and once we understand its role, when we see it coming, we can engage it to understand why it\u2019s here. Is it showing me what\u2019s important? If I have a big board presentation coming up, is the critic making me question my value? Making me doubt my abilities? Protecting me from something? <\/em>Maybe my critic is showing me it\u2019s important to rehearse. Perhaps it\u2019s telling me to throw out the scripted talking points and ask more questions. The critic might be bringing my attention to something that I haven\u2019t considered, which makes the relationship with them a worthwhile one to cultivate and understand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n By bringing our awareness to how often our self-critic comes around, we can become aware of its presence\u2014a needed element for future shifts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n How leaders can access the observer of their critical mind:<\/p>\n\n\n\n